seeping_poison

Woke up this morning and it was new. I'm so happy. He brings new meaning to everything. No one will truely understand us, but I don't care. My dads pissed lol with good reason - he's almost as old as him xD but in a way I'm happy he's his age. Like I'm sick of kids who end up being shitty adults. At least I know he's not. Dad thinks I'm going to die, but dads just a dinosaur and doesn't understand that not EVERYONE on the internets a serial killer and its not like I met Jason on a chatline or anything. It was completly innocent coincidence lol

I love that he made sure I wanted to do this before anything. I love that he was concerned about how I feel. It hasn't felt like that for me in a while. No one ever cared what I thought.




All I think about is him & I think he's just the sweetest guy I've ever met & on top of that he's so handsome!
I think I'm happy. I'm so glad I found you Jason & I hope you never let me go.
We'll make it through this :)

So theres a boy.
He's from my past. We were pen pals and I always looked forward to hearing from him & I always wondered if I should message him when he was on msn or facebook.
We've got to talking and I started realizing how completely amazing he is. The only problem is where he lives. I even got past the age difference.
He's so amazing and gentle. It was like all the pieces of the puzzle was comming today. I knew who I wanted to be with. It's him.

Im actually looking up rates for plane tickets to see him.
I just started talking to him and I'm ready to jump in front of a bus.
Hes everything I ever wanted and I cant believe I found him.

Dear God,
Bring Jason to me!
Amen

I LIKE YOU JASON!!!! <3<3<3

I can't believe how much love I've lost over the last month. I wish I didn't have a heart for you to tear from me.

Me and Emily are at peace for now and I'm glad she's happy. I've preoccupied my mind with the idea of Albert. Thinking that I loved him still & I would fight to have him back.

That was until I found out his ex girlfriend is saying I sent her facebook messages saying for her to stay away from him. Well that just upset my apple cart. I don't believe in that shit. I want him to be with me because he loves me not because the competition ran off. I sent him an email with proof that I can't message her because she has me blocked, but thats not enough apparently; her moms vouching for her. I guess I should call my mom and get her to say something.

In short the idea of me and Albert is only but a far away dream. I told him that fighting a loosing battle isin't my style and that obviously she must love him more because she'll lie to get him. Thats not how I roll. He'll realise someday who was telling him the truth and when he does I guess I'll still be here, but until then I don't want to be in the middle of that crap. I feel like I'm twelve again dealing with the immaturity of a bunch of stupid teenagers. I'm pretty sure he blocked me after that. That's fine.

Sometimes I think that maybe they're right. Maybe I'm just a horrible person to be with and noone will ever love me as completly and intensely as I want. Maybe my heart was never made to feel its potential.

Other than that today was great. I went to moms to decorate & spent a bunch of time with teddy <3 then I came back to the house and wrapped presents and that lead me to this.
First snow today too. It had the potential to be a great day.

Thanks for ruining it for me douchbag.
I hate people.

-had fun last night!!!! can't wait to do it again!!!! ♥
9 hours ago · Comment · Like

God if there was a 'dislike' button I'd be all fucking over it!
So thats the way its going to be from now on!? One night with me and one with her. Thats not working for me. I give myself to you and admit my faults and feelings and the next day you're with her!
Ohmygod. Sometimes people make me sick. Like literally. My stomach twists and turns with the anger you've made me feel. Ugh.

I'm sick of feeling like this. It's disgusting & so are you!

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love[repeat]

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Happy endings -by- Mika

You know what I do love you and I know that eventually I'll feel better because unfortunatly the world doesn't stop spinning you want it to and the more I think of it the more I'm content with your decision to destroy my life. You're making me see a painful reality I had forgotten about; its me against the world. I put my heart and soul into you & you left me.
I worry for you of course & I wish you the best of luck. I doubt your going to amount to much now that you've chosen this specific path.

What else should I be? All apologies (8)

Dear God,
When the world ends will you please take my hand and lead me through the fire.
Amen

I am sick of people playing with my emotions. I am not someones high school experiment not am I someones second choice. If you love me let me know otherwise don't drag me into it. I have enough problems without adding to it.
I'm falling asleep as I type.

--More later..

Maybe I was wrong. I jumped to conclusions & wrapped my head around an illusion. I don't want to think she wasn't hurting me. I don't want to think that she did the right thing because at the end of the day I'm still here, alone. I know she broke up with me for her own good and I want her to be happy; more than anything I do. I feel pathetic because I cry at everything and my entire life was her. Its not fair that I have to start over because of this. These past two months have been the hardest I've ever experienced. I guess high school sweethearts don't always make it through. Faerie Tales suck. I'm starting to see that it's better for the both of us. She needed her space and I needed to find myself again. I got lost.

"When your fifteen and someone tells you they love you- you're gunna believe them" - Taylor Swift

How freakin true. We're so stupid.

Theres a boy though. A light at the end of the tunnel. Something to go for. Maybe things will get better.
I'm really feeling like an adult now. I was so scared to be old - now I am.

I'll make it through this I hope, but it fucking sucks :(

Emily Lanceleve November 29 at 7:26pm
This is the last thing i am going to say about the whole situation... you really gotta stop harping to people about it... I could have lied to you... I could have cheated on you, but i had respect for YOU. I had enough respect to stop the lie and tell you at that moment. But you can't respect me for respecting you. I am really half tempted to delete you from my friends list. I don't feel like any of this is fair to me. I am not writing in my facebook status- oh his kisses make up for all the un happiness- or oh i am finally happy.
Les i still fucking love you... with every piece of me... I thought you loved me too... loved me a enough to understand that i need my happiness. I respect you will all the world... I think the world of you... I can't believe how strong you are, I admire your strength, but then you start being nasty on facebook and i really don't want to deal with that. I don't want it to come to that.
I'm sorry that me being happy is hurting you.. I am sorry that it had to end the way it did. I wish it didn't end that way, but the fact of the matter is that it did and its over now. I'm sorry I hurt you, but at the end of the day we are adults. Which means we should probably behave like adults... not putting up harpy status to look like your trying to get attention and essentially trying to bash me.
I'm hurt that its over... there were some happy times... i wasn't always unhappy and I hope you know that. I wasn't always. But i can't keep going on with you mind games like this. Like i said i could do the same but i respect you and i don't appreciate you putting up status that potentially lead to bashing me.
So, please... because I am respecting you... please respect me.

Leslie Yorke November 29 at 11:02pm
You're right. I was very immature about this & I will try not "bash" you although I promise that was not my intention.
Since our breakup this messege has been the nicest things you've said to you. I was bitter. Every morning I woke up with you & that gave me the strength to try in the day when everything was hard & I couldn't sleep without hearing goodnights or I love yous and you convinced me that you felt entirely the same. You are my life. Everything aches when I think of you. My whole life was you & I want you to completly understand that because you attached to me and made me love you entirely. I had no problem with that - until now. I completly respect your decision to be happy & I understand that you had to do that for you, but when theres someone else involved coincidentally to pick you up when I can't thats not fair either. And thats what hurts more than any of it. Not only is the person I'm in love with gone from my life, but someone else is making her happy. I failed you as a girlfriend and I hate myself for it. I know I couldn't have changed the outcome. You would have come to this decision at one time or another and I was lucky for the time I did get.
"oh his kisses make up for all the un happiness" I hope so much that thats not the case, but it doesn't have to be so specific for it to hurt. "Talking to the boy" is enough. I respect you. I will never be okay with you & him because I know you deserve better and because its him not me. You being happy so quickly disgusts me because you told me it wasn't me and then all of a sudden some boy can make you perfectly happy in no time. So its not that I dont want you being happy; its I dont want you happy with him & Im sure you can understand that.
I hope someday we can get passed this. The idea of Tuesday scares the shit out of me because it hurts so much to just see your txts, but its x100 to see you in person. I miss you all the time, but you're different now & that helps. As soon as you broke up with me you treated me completly differently.
I'll come to terms with this Im sure, but until then I'll keep my thoughts off facebook. Like I said it was never my intention to hurt you after all.. I love you.

Emily Lanceleve November 30 at 12:08am
You need to understand that I am not happy because of him. I'm happy because I know I can't hurt you. I'm happy because I know that I did something for me. I fucking miss you everyday, but I can't go back to you now. Maybe a few months or years down the road, but not now. No his kisses don't take away the un happiness... I'm still not stellar, and I know that's going to take time. Sure he was there at the right time, but he is not why I am happy. And I wouldn't have mentioned him in my status if you didn't have such statuses as you have.
I'm very sick of seeing your so called friends and family going on about me like a piece of meat... And if they even knew half the situation maybe they would grow up. But I want you to know that I am sorry it was a text message, I am sorry it was so aburpt, but if not at that moment that I was shaking sick to my stomach because I knew I was lying to you, then maybe I would go on and cheat on you and I could NEVER hurt you like that, and they don't know that... They see me as some sort of animal who is pretending to be "happy" now that I left you and some sort of coward for not bowing out respectfully. Well that was respect, I didn't let it get out of hand, I made sure I wasn't going to hurt you in the long term and you might want to tell them the facts, so that maybe they will stop, because that's not fair to me... They do not know who I am or the circumstances.

Again I am sorry for everything but I hope you know that I respect you more the anyone. And I am happy to see that you had a good night last night.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Leslie Yorke November 30 at 8:52am
Well maybe we can agree to disagree. Maybe we both treated each other wrongly & I am sorry for that. So I will stop & in turn so will you. Maybe I did exaggerate the situation, but for me - it was the world. I couldn't believe that my body & heart reacted the way it does in movies or television. I couldn't eat & I didn't want to breath. I know you left before cheating on me and deep down I respect you for that and I appreciate that you'd never hurt me like that. Unfortunatly it takes me a little while to realise that because all I can focus on is the pain; because besides the specifics of the situation my heart was broke.
I'm glad that he's not the reason your happy & (I know this sounds bad, but I dont mean it like that) Im glad you hurt & that you miss me. It was a break up and as such I hoped that I wasn't the only one taking the pain from it, but I had to realise that just because I didn't see your unhappiness didn't mean it wasn't there. I'm sorry for that.
I will stop with my status' and if someone asks me I will tell them the facts rather than the illusion I've created for myself.
Hopefully now we can treat each other better and be able to talk without being mean.
I'm sorry again. The pain was unrealistic to me and I was trying to fill in the blanks. This is better for both of us - at least for now. I want you to be happy and get your life back on track (and i know you realize that he will not help you do that- you have to do that yourself) Laurie said Ken can probably come pick me up with the van on Tuesday so I'll be able to get most of the stuff, but not all of it. I'll make another trip soon after that. Please know that I apologise now for how I act (if I act like anything) I know it will hurt to see you and be back in that house. I cried at the Christmas parade- it was pathetic. I hate how everything I look at reminds me of you & all I feel is the pain of missing you & wishing you could have seen us in the light I did. I respect you more than anything and I'm starting to come to terms with things.
So lets both keep each other our of our status' & with respect for each other; the boys we're seeing. Not saying I'm seeing anyone, but if I was I will not post that in my status.
I hope you find what you're looking for.

Went out last night. I'm in pain now. I never thought about her last night which was surprising to me. Everyday she makes me want to die - i cant fucking believe her & her lies.
YOU LIED TOO MANY TIMES
Everything shes ever said to me has been a god damn lie!
She was always concerned about ME liking boys, but BAM hypocrite
"eating cold pizza, talking to the boy & bed"
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK
YOUR A CUNT
I never hurt this much before & its ruining everything I love.
You make no attempt to fix everything you broke or even to simply help me out.
So you're happy so I'm supposed to be happy for that, but you know what I'd feel a whole lot better if you were just fucking miserable. I would have rathered you died then I would know that the pain I felt wasn't intentional.

I can't believe this.
She met me MADE me love her & planted the grenade & when she decided she was done she pulled out the pin & was done with it. I said I'd never be with a woman, she was the only exception & I hate myself for letting her pass my radars. IT FUCKING HURTS. Everything I see & everything I do is her & SHES FINE. She just threw me away so quickly & completely with no feelings. They must have been gone a long time ago. She must not have loved me for a long time. All the things she said to me, promised me, was a pile of horse shit. I don't care what she is, she's heartless.
I can't wrap my head around your bullshit. Its just stupid. Everything you do is stupid. He's stupid!
You both are pieces of shit and its not fair that I hurt so fucking much for someone who doesnt even deserve the feelings. You deserve to be chocked with the noose you wrapped around my neck.
Theres no way we're going to be okay, but I know that I hate you. You have hurt me more than anyone ever has & that includes my mother

Dear God,
Could you stop this douchbagery? :(
Amen

Please make me realise that i'm better off and that even though everything I do right now hurts it will be better in the end. Please make it happen soon because there's not much of my sanity left.

I wish people would stay away of my life because noone realizes that I'm damaged goods and I am easily put back to the same place I always am - I cried at the parade today and it was supposed to be a happy day, but because of her I hated it

People can't make up their minds

Once
Doesn't mean anything to me
Come
Show me the meaning of complete
Where
Did our love go wrong
Once we were so strong
How can I go on?

When you told me you loved me
Did you know it would take me the rest of my life
to get over the feeling of knowing
A dream didn't turn out right
When you let me believe that you weren't complete
Without me by your side
how could I know
That you would go
That you would run
Baby, I thought you were the one

Why
Can't I just leave it all behind
I
Felt passion so bright that I was blind
Then
Something made me weak
Talking in my sleep
Baby, I'm in so deep and you know I believed

When you told me you loved me
Did you know it would take me the rest of my life
to get over the feeling of knowing
A dream didn't turn out right
When you let me believe that you weren't complete
Without me by your side
how could I know
That you would go
That you would run
Baby, I thought you were the one

Your lips
Your face
Something that time just can't erase
Find my heart
Could break
All over again

When you told me you loved me
Did you know it would take me the rest of my life
to get over the feeling of knowing
A dream didn't turn out right
When you let me believe that you weren't complete
Without me by your side
how could I know
That you would go
That you would run
Baby, I thought you were the one

You know what.. Im angry & bitter
Yea it fucking hurts and at first I would have changed it given the chance, but now I see her & I hate her.
Someone who will do this to someone is disgusting. You are a liar, cheated and you betrayed me in more ways then I thought possible.
I gave my everything to you. I spent 2.5 years of my life with you and I can't get that shit back and after the crap you pulled I'm starting to regret it.
Everyday you fucking facebook status upsets me.
"Thanks for the great night. You know who you are <3" *vomits* DIRTBAG
I don't know if I'd feel all together differently, but it would have been a little better to see her leave me for a doctor or at least someone with a real job. And yes she says that it has nothing to do with him, but if it didn't you wouldn't have made out with him right after we broke up- yea, that was you.
I'd hate to be you. Maybe you were unhappy with me, but I'd love to see what happens to you now because you will have nothing. You will realise that this was the stupidest thing you could have done for yourself & by that time it will be too late cause as soon as I can get healed of this bullshit I'm never going back.

To explain what I feel right now is impossible because I don't understand; like I loved you, but your obviously a whore and I still can't stop feeling this way. There is so feeling of reassurance sometimes where I believe things will get better and never because you say it will be. Yea, you're my best friend, but its pretty impossible for me to let myself hurt everyday which is what I have loveingly done for you for a long time so I don't know how this is going to work.

How a 32 year old with three kids is healthy for you is beyond my understanding.

Good thing there was no Lilly because you'd probably abandon her as quick as you've abandoned me

Dear God,
You haven't really stuck to your side of the deal thus far and I'm pretty pissed at you so if you could possibly just either kill her or me. That would be a lot better.

Amen.

I got some advice from a friend and the best thing for me to do right now is to keep social and keep a journal - it should help.

Thats what Im doing. Im bitter and Im okay with that. You deserve nothing more than to choke on every lie you ever fed me.

I'm glad you have a new lease on life and someday soon so will I.

Fuck you whore! <3
I loved you once, but nevermore

Dear God,

I thought you were done ruining my life;
My professor, landlord, confusion, everything?
Now this.

Saturday, Nov. 22/09
Everything's over.
She left me...
Over txt at that. The pain was like nothing I've ever felt before. Couldn't eat, sleep or function. I still can't breath sometimes. I don't know how the world keeps spinning when I want it to stay still. I just want to pause or fast forward.

Shes unhappy (Where did this come from)
She met him (Why did I let her see him)
She lied to me (Why didn't I see)

Yes, I want her to be happy and I hope she finds her way, but for me this is terrible. Everything hurts and I don't wanna try anymore. I didn't deserve this and I guess this is how it is.

She was my world. She owned everything in it. My home, my heart, my life and now its all gone. I'm staying at my parents and cousins house. Just trying to keep my head above water.

I miss her.
her face
her smile
her hair
how she smelled
even when she was cranky
even her fighting words
even when she cried

I wonder if she'll ever understand the pain shes caused because right now shes fine- shes getting on with her life with the other boy who came into the picture faster than I could have stopped it from happening I guess I hope shes happy, but I'm not

I miss you
Every second or everyday

Just fix it please..I cant last much longer
Amen

Dear God,
Thank you for blessing me with this bundle of joy. Keep him safe from the harms of the world and sheltered from the environments in which he will be presented.
Amen



Nov.13th/2009
6 lbs 11 oz (same as me)
9:53 pm

A beautiful boy was welcomed into the world. My little brother.

Your due date was really Dec.6th, but the doctors wanted to put you early. Your mother was induced the morning of Friday the 13th and she was on the drip at 9am. At about 8:30pm there was talk of a c-section because even though she was on the drip all day and she was in labour she wasn't making any progress; it seemed you just weren't ready to push your way out, but you were doing somersaults in there. As soon as they mentioned c-section you decided it was go time. You were born in an hour (unlike my 24 hour tear into the world) Me and emily sat in the waiting area for five hours hoping to be there when the magic happened. Me and daddy went for a walk at 8:30 and he told me about the c-section and everything. Your doctors were amazing; Gardener & Hasheem. As soon as daddy walked back into the room with mommy he was out again to tell us you were comming and she was 3 cm. Two minutes later she was 5 cm and then she called me again to let me know there was only 3 cm to go. And when she called you could hear that you were tearing through. She was screaming and crying and it was really hilarious. But we joked the whole time. We all bet what time you would come. Daddy said 6 Aunt Brenda said 7 I said 8 Emily said 10 and Cheryl ( emilys mom ) said 6am the next morning. Emily won. I was livid. I would have pulled you out myself, but everyone except Emily said you'd be a boy & oh did we prove her wrong. You were born during flu season so mommy could only have one person visiting with her and that was daddy, but when you were born he snuck you out so I could see you and touch you- and you were everything I ever hoped for. You had a head full of black hair and you were ours. For that second in time we forgot the rest of the world because you were a miracle and through everything you pulled out alright. I hope that was a sign. I just know you'll make it through and I will help you, I promise. I may not be there everyday, but you will know who I am I'll make sure of it. I will save you even though you can't dial my number I'll make sure someone does. I will help you make touch decisions, help you with your homework, keep your secrets and hold you when your sad. You are my sun in a world of darkness and I will make you know that. You will be stubborn because you're a Yorke, but I'll help you be open minded. I'll teach you everything and show you the world. I'll do everything for you I wish I could have done for her. I will never abandon you as I did her. You will know through thick and thin that we were meant to fight this world together. When you were born there was family and everyone was together. Friday everyone came, but you weren't ready to come out then, but the next day we all held you. Mommy snuck you out to see us even though she wasn't aloud. I couldn't stay with you and it broke my heart, but don't worry we'll spend forever together. I want you to have everything. Not materials, but everything.

"caroline talks to you softly sometimes
she says "i love you" and "too much"
she doesn't have anything you want to steal
well nothing you can touch"

(Pretty in pink - The Dresdon Dolls)

You were named after your two grandfathers and two uncles & even though you'll hate it it was supposed to be my name. I was supposed to be a boy.

I want you to cherish family and love. I want you to not be materialistic and I want you to be determined.
I think you'll be amazing and I can't wait to find out.

I love you Teddy & even though you won't see me everyday I'll be thinking about you all the time.

I miss my father.
It hurts.

Em's dads are great, but they don't fill the hole.
I remember spending countless hours on the couch with him watching movies & law and order. We talked about everything & he was my hero. He took care of me, he protected me and now I go almost months without him. I only talk to him when I call & I feel like we just drifted apart. I desperatly hope he finds what hes looking for because I need him.

Dear god
I miss you
Where are you when I need you. I understand there's no way to intervene but I want everything to be okay
Watch over my grandma she's slipping & steer me in the right direction; keep me on the path I'm supposed to be on. I just want everything to be okay.
Thank you
Amen

So I've been on summer vacation for too long now. I can't wait to get back into the swing of things. My brain is turning to mush.

Emilys dads done for the week which is pretty awesome cause even though he's her dad I still feel like he's mine. Especially since mine kind of abandoned me. I beg him to go to the movies with me and he's running out of excuses. Well I'm not trying anymore. If he wants me he'll have to find me. I'm sick of trying for everyone. You have to accept me for who I am. I'm nineteen. I can't even believe it when I see the words typed out in front of me. I remember being twelve and anticipating the time I would grow up and now I would do anything to do it over again; not to change anything just to simply do it again. I miss my grandmother & trixie & simplicity.

Yesterday was one of the best. Me and Em went out with her father for the day. We went to Big Glace Bay beach. Emily wouldn't swim cause she was sick, but me & rob went in. I swam farther than I've ever swam there. I wondered about currents & shark attacks, but I definitly enjoyed the conversation. It's good to have someone to talk to sometimes. We drove all around Mira & everything :) It something I haven't done in a while. Me and my dad used to drive around just for the fun of it. Me and my dad are almost the same person, but he lost his way & I hope so much he finds it again. I miss him. He was the only person that I truely loved growing up. Yes, now I realise that it was never just one persons fault it was everyone. There isin't one day that goes by that I don't wish things never changed. That they would have stayed together - happy; even if it wasn't real just pretend for our sakes. I would pretend to love them to make everything okay.

We have a dog. Her name is Zero. She is a lab retreiever mix & she is beautiful. She also sucks donkey penis right now cause since she`s a puppy she can`t help but rip apart everything & bite everything that comes into contact with her. She hates the kittens & especially Kali. Not that they were ever nice to her. I want them to get along I`m getting sick of keeping one of them locked up & the bitterness between them. Ugh. But I love them ;( I think she has nightmares though. She jigs out a lot & she was crying a bit. My life of course wouldn`t be the same without them <3 they all make up my silly dysfunctional family.

I can't wait to go back to work so I can cut down my shifts at work cause I work more than I ever did before. Full time sucks balls. I would rather gouge my eyes out with plastic scissors than do dough, close or batter fish >.< I don't know if Glens going to keep his word and keep me off closes during school. I don't wanna have to find another job.

Me and Emily.
What can I say.
She is my world.
Last week we almost ended it. We found about stupid things & we made stupid decisions about our lives. I'm thankful for the few days I spent in Glace Bay. I never wanna miss any part of Reese's life. I love her. & Brenda. Oh my god. I've never realised just how much I love Brenda. She's been there my entire life & she took care of me like her own. I owe her my life & when she dies I'm giving up. There's no point in continuing. Me and Emily though we are together till the end I think. We'll always have stupid fights and any time it comes to any decisions we will argue about it; its enevitable. But when we're happy together every second of tears and anger is worth it; to see her face light up & smile. It's better than 1000 sunsets.

I don't eat much anymore & I don't get hungry either. It's 10:03pm & I've only eaten a bag of chips all day. I'm going to end up dying ;(

When we were young
We never seen these lying faces
We never knew we'd all
End up in seperate places

When we were young
You hid the world from us
Protecting us from danger
And we never wondered or made a fuss

When we were young
There were no scars
We were closer and
I never felt like I was from mars

When we were young
I never questioned you
I always follwed you,
but I never had a clue

When we were young
I never had to get away
Whenever we werre stuck,
Together, we'd find away

Now we're older
We've grown wise
We found your secrets
And we've uncovered your lies

Now we're older
Your face no longer brings hope
Now we do whatever
We can just to cope

Now we're older
We can hear you fight
Your hearts grown apart
And your love no longer takes flight

Now we're older
We see through your ruse
Now your children are
The drugs & the booze

Now we're older
We don't need you
To make it through
We'll do whatever we have to do

I love you.
I miss you.
Fuck you world.

I'm back at Boston Pizza. Now a regular working drone opposed to my former self- the supervisor. It was my choice and I deserve it, but the dollar decrease in pay really eats ass. I'm working eight hours a day so it should be okay. Just cause I'm a different color doesn't make me different.
I'm going to see transformers in a few hours and I can't wait. I'm taking Emilys little brother cause I'm that cool. I seen my sisters keeper two times. It was a beautiful movie. I cried the entire time.
Moms still pregnant and I can't wait for the baby. It will be mine. I'm the only one who really cares about it anyway.
I don't care that anyone can read this. If I did I wouldn't put my journal on here would I. If you care enough about my life to read all the time then you must have just as much of a life as I do.
I'm going now. I hate ignorant fucks.

I chickened out. I'm home from camp. I suck.

The douchbags at the camp decided to wait until now to tell me that I start tomorrow. I cried like crazy last night because I have no time to do anything. I wanna scrapbook, I wanna hold her longer because I can't get enough of her. Its like the last few days have been the best days of our lives together. I can't believe I'm going to miss our two year; I know I'm going to be a mess.

Moms untrasound is beautiful <3 My little sister is soon to be. I can't wait to see her tiny face. She will be my life.

I at least get to come home one a week which is great!

Good bye internet :( Goodbye cell phone reception, pride week and buskers. The benefits don't really outweigh the risks anymore. Theres no turning back.